Ok so I have found out from T in yesterdays session that I have anticipatory anxiety. I have anxiety meds that I have started taking again and they help but I dont want to be on them forever. So she thinks the anticipatory anxiety sets me up to self sabotage(because I expect the worse going into anything) which them leads to the horrible depressions I fall into. First I have to figure out how to deal with the anxiety? And that is where I am stuck...that is why I take the meds because I dont know how to handle because not on the meds I dont always necessarily FEEL the anxiety. How do I fix something I dont notice?