I understand why you are hesitant to go to the hospital. Do you truly feel safe though? Do you live by yourself? Is there anyone that can stay with you in case you start having thoughts? do you have more lorazapam? If you are you allowed to take it everyday to prevent anxiety like that? Can you call your pdoc today? Mine will call on weekends are you are in a crisis, so he should call. The hard truth though is you are best off in the hospital if you are thinking like that at all.