I get depressed around my birthday for the opposite reason. I wanted to be dead by my 21st birthday so I was extremely upset when I wasnt. So every birthday after that is just a sign of failure for not having reached my goal, another year of having lived this miserable life. I kinda stopped counting at 28. Im either 48 or 49 now. i would have to count backward from my birth year to know which one. i dont even celebrate it.