typically if you are questioning if you should go to the hospital because you are worried what you will do, you should go. not having ins makes that hard. does your area have a state hospital. they typically take noninsured low income patients for free. thats where i go.

on the other hand, if you feel safe with your family, can you stay with them till your pdoc appointment as alwaysrejoice suggested? by your report, you are only at the stage of suicidal ideation which everybody experiences and normal. as long as you stay at that stage you should be safe. it can be scary to have those thoughts, but as long as you are not harming yourself even a pdoc wouldnt commit you at this point. if you start making plans thats when it becomes dangerous.

the important thing is to keep talking. ask for support. stay around people. keep posting. visit the chat rooms. you can PM me. if you shut down and withdraw you will get caught up in those feelings and intensify them and can spiral out of control. you dont want that. practice distraction methods to get away from your thoughts. read books. buy a few seasons of a tv show that you like (or suscribe to netflix for a month) and sit down for a marathon session of tv watching. arts and crafts. go to the movies. invite a friend for dinner. teach yoursel to crochet and crochet a scraf for winter. anything to get out of your head. wednesday will be here before you know it.

Hang in there. And again. Dont hesitate to PM me if you need to talk.