((((((((dismantle.repair))))))))

I took a short break from T, and it turned out to be the best thing I could have done for myself.

I was seeing him twice a week at the time and I took a month off, so I missed about 8 sessions - and then when I went back, I went to once a week instead of twice, so it ended up being a break AND a transition.

But I learned a lot during the break. I was able to really experience how much I have learned in therapy as I applied it to real life. I was able to feel how much of T I hold inside of me, even when I don't see him. I was able to really focus on my life, without all of the ups and downs and time/financial commitments of therapy. I was able to do things like read books that inspired me, and journal as a way to nurture myself. It was hard at first - I cried a lot for a few days - and then it was okay and then it was bittersweet and good.

And when I did go back to T, we reconnected easily, and I was finally able to begin talking about the thing I had been avoiding/hiding for 3 1/2 years. I didn't walk back in and talk about it...but I did start moving towards it, and was able to start talking about it a couple of months later. I think I just needed that time to rest and regroup before we started in on this hardest thing.

Posting on PC helped me a lot. Knowing that T would be there when I got back helped a lot too. I think therapy is a gift I give myself...and right then, a break from therapy was also a gift to myself.

Be gentle with you. Nurture yourself. Post here. And know that you can go back whenever you need to...even if it's before January or February.

Hugs to you!