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I called Mum this morning telling her I had slept better last night and that I still wanted to go home. I'd even found a place I could move into with a friend who is looking for somewhere to live. I told her and she told me that I had to have a proper plan about what course I'd do and being off my medication. So I spent hours making a plan and then emailed it to her and then she called S and talked to him for ages and then we went on Skype and S & I talked to her. S and Mum said that I had to "prove" that I could manage life and be completely stable before I could go home. No matter what I said or how much I was crying they didn't budge, then I asked if I could go home after christmas and they still were saying that I had to prove to everyone that I could manage and that I was stable and out of hospital and not hurting myself in any way. I'm so mad at them right now.
I'm seriously considering running away, I was looking up online where I could go tonight. Just me and my cat. I'm 19 no one can force me to go anywhere I don't want to. I spoke to m helpline counsellor about it and she didn't seem to think it would be a bad thing. And she just reminded me that because I'm 19 no one can make me come back.
When I was deciding where to live months ago Mum always said that no matter what happened if I didn't like where I was living I could go home. And this morning she said that she wasn't going to stop me doing what I wanted. And now she says that I can't go home. To say that it hurts would be an understatement.
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