Hi ickydog2006!

I just wanted to let you know that I also question reality, more so lately. I was on anti-psychotics at one point for auditory hallucinations and, what my pdoc termed, delusions but the meds only helped with the voices. I feel it made me worse as I started to wonder if the voices had ever been real when I couldn't hear them anymore, like if I made them up for attention (though I don't know why I would've done that). In the end, the fears about whether the voices were ever real or not was worse for me than hearing the voices (even though they say horrible things about me). Plus it didn't help with my 'strange thoughts'.

Maybe this fear of whether stuff is real or not is almost a delusion? Are you on anti-psychotics? Is that why you haven't had a hallucination in a year? If so, maybe your pdoc could increase the dose and see if this feeling goes away?

Or it could be an existential worry - do you see a T you could talk this through with? For me I think this worry has been made worse by my studies as I've been reading about how social constructionists believe that your identity is constructed by oneself to fit the social situation we are in, which just made me start thinking what was real, and how we could really 'know' that things were real. I keep thinking about the Matrix film where they're really all in alien pods but they believe they are out living in the 'real world' which turns out not to be real at all...

It's confusing stuff, but it's good that you have your husband to talk to about this and get some reassurance. I do advise also talking to your T and pdoc and getting that psych eval done to see if it comes up with anything that can help you.

All the best,

*Willow*