Being rejected and becoming less enthralled would not be surprising. Something akin to, "If you will not let me play, I am going to take my ball and go home."

You speak of trust issues? I am sorry for what you endured as a child. Would there be some legitimacy in suggesting you expect women to prove themselves trustworthy, as opposed to believing they are unless proven otherwise? If so, what must a woman do to prove trustworthiness? Is there anything she might do to change your suspicion?

Frankly, I think having a relationship is very important to you. Ygrec23 gave you some good advice.

Is professional help an option?