Yes, I thought it a lot and when I learned I could tell her about it when I was thinking it, it was really helpful. Even now the thought creeps in, as it did tonight, after 4+ years with T.

I think it's a common thought to have about your therapist. So many of us feel unacceptable and that plays out in therapy.

Accept that these kinds of thoughts may come up, but they are just your thoughts. They don't reflect your T's feelings at all - they are your own thoughts and they are about you and what you feel about yourself. It is really important to take this to therapy to get some feedback and reassurance.

Hang in there and keep going