I have what I think is Homosexuality OCD. Where you become paranoid of being gay to an extent where you honestly can't tell anymore. During this, I have also had little worries about being transgendered but they were always very brief and I'd stop worrying about them after a few minutes.

Right at this moment, I feel exactly like a boy. All day I've been feeling unfeminine and more like a man than a women. I think that my voice is deep even though people tell me it's actually high pitched. I swear and tell dirty jokes like a boy. I have always been so shy but recently- even if it's just a bit- I've been talking to people more and have been more social. I even think that I look really butch. It doesn't matter what I do or what I tell myself, I can't stop thinking about this stuff.

I can get influenced very easily. For example, a few years ago I was watching Death Note and then I started getting into character as the main lead on a website. I thought in a boys voice and everything. But now I can't stop thinking in a boys voice and it's making more insane than I already am. I know I'm insane... but what can I do about this? I don't want to see a therapist and I can't even afford one, anyways. I don't want to be that person that has a deep voice or thinks like a boy. I don't want to be interested in other girls. I don't want to be non-social and weird. But it feels like it's too late to change anything now.

I recently started slacking on my homework a lot in school- and that's especially bad because I just started high school this year. Once I get a bad mark on anything though, I just expect it to be something permanent that will be there forever. That no matter what I do I can't make up for it and it will never change. I'm not sure if anyone understands me on that but that's another big problem I have.

Respond anyway you want to. Thanks for taking the time to read this and sorry that it was kind of long and disorganized.