I'm sorry you feel so awful . . . and so alone. I hope being embarrassed and ashamed can be lessened by finding out that you are not so different and unusual. Lots of members of PC are struggling with very hard feelings about themselves. Sometimes a hospital is the right place to be in and where you can get hooked up with more intensive outpatient care. Once, I found it was worth going in, because they only kept me 23 hours, and I got a referral to a very good out-patient program.

There are lots of members here who will listen and most likely be well able to relate.