Rhapsody,
That is very enlightening to hear! It's good that you are recognizing your fears and realizing why you are having those feelings.

I understand so well what you mean when you say you have a fear of things being full of hope and that your husbands new way of being is a fear to you because you wonder if it will last. I often have those fears also when things are going really well, it's like I'm almost waiting for something to come along and take all the happiness away. I wish I had an answer for this, I think that living in the moment is the best way to overcome that fear. We tend to get used to things when they aren't going all that well, and then when things are going good we wonder when they will go back to being bad. I think it is a natural thing to feel this way. We don't want to lose our newfound happiness.

Something that you can tell yourself that I often tell myself is sometimes you have to go through hell before you get to heaven, and it's about time things turned around after so much misery! You are deserving of happiness and I do believe things are going to keep looking up for you. Congrats on renewing your wedding vows, that is so beautiful!

Love,
Sujin