Because you don't want to get hurt again. Because you're scared that it won't last - I noticed that my fears come and go. I panic as soon as he is upset or on edge or goes to "a meeting". I've recognized all of these as triggers for me. Sometimes I can deal with it - talk myself out of the negative thoughts, sometimes I can't and get depressed thinking - he's doing it again but how do I prove it. Sometimes, I'm strong enough to address the issue and think to myself, what have I got to lose? And I don't deserve this. We're going to be companions, partners or we won't. The first two years of knowing was hard - I stayed with him because of the kids. Now, I still get suspicious but try not to. It's a trigger, but then think, what if he is and I'm denying it like the last time? I don't think there is an easy answer.
My T wants us in couples counseling but he won't go. I could give him an ultimatum - I don't know. I guess he behaves enough for me to keep trying it this way. I have too many issues from child abuse that I'm trying to deal with now - so, one step at a time, and as my psychologist says "trust your gut".
Hugs,
Songbird