Good article Elan,
But what if we take that same list and think about our parents and how that list applies to them. After all we don't pick our parents, we just come into this world and spend many years shaped by one or two parents and how they express the above lists.

I had taken a trip with my mother about 6 or 7 years ago back to her home town and where she grew up. Her father was a Scottish immagrant and went through the depression and lost a lot, and his wife always hid money, something many people learned how to do through the ages, that meant some security. So after losing their home and business my grandmother presented her hidden money and they purchased a lot of land on an island in a big lake. And my grandfather built houses that became vacation homes for wealthy people.

Upon our visit we went to a small beach that was set aside for this wealthy community so there was a public area to socialize for those that didn't have homes right on the water. And while we were visiting that little beach in the off season and no one was there, my mother pointed to a small area where she learned was her restricted area and that she was not allowed to interact with the wealthy families that vacationed on the island and enjoyed this beach area. I saw her looking over at that area and she cried and talked about her limits and how it conveyed that she was taught to think she was was not good enough to interact with these people. It was really sad because I could really see how emotionally disturbing it was for her, how she was trained to believe that she was not good enough from such an early age. But this was something that was also trained into her parents that was passed to her.

The one thing my mother did learn is a bit of defiance and she did find ways to sneak herself into giving herself permission to do some things. And in that sneakyness she slowly learned another pattern, I don't have permission, but I will sneak in and grab opportunity when I can, but I have to sneak it in. And that is how she really lived her life, she submissed even to my father, but as soon as he went away she just had to do something while he was gone, like paint a room in the house or change furniture around or get something new. So now thinking back she was practicing her own little method of gaining permission to have a little power of her own. But it was sad because she was very trained to lay in wait psychologically until she could find a way to self express.

Each and every one of us has a genetic abilities that are given to us through our family genetic chain. But we also carry personal limitations that we are not consciously aware of. Even if someone is of a lower class and that person strikes out on their own and gets and education, and masters a certain field, it is not enough. Because even if someone gains knowledge, they still may feed some kind of negetive limitation of unworthiness that can be handed to them by a parent or family atmosphere. And that conditioning that we are handed by a parent can limit our way of giving ourselves real permission to have a productive, positive way of interacting and performing to our true capacities. And we all can form negetive, self limiting, even angry personal views that we are simply not aware of, but we actually limit ourselves unknowingly. We can carry a stain that says, no one likes me, all men are mean, all women are manipulative and jealous, I will never be qualified to communicate in a way that is effective, someone will see my weakness, I am not real, just pretend, I am not allowed to be happy but I shall pretend I can be happy in front of others. The list of negetive self limitations and even sentivities or decisions to consider certain kinds of people a threat in someway are often handed to many of us and we don't truely recognize it. And some of these internal limitations can harbor anger and some may end up doing things that are wasteful, things they may regret later in life, but are truely not their fault, it was something that they obtained in their childhood messages that scewed their perceptions unknowingly.

It has been proven that someone can come from a poor family, get and education and truely succeed in life. The one thing many of these people talk about is a parent that gave them permission, had faith in them, loved them and even showed them an example of working hard and enjoying life even though there is some limitation. "My mother always loved me, raised all of us and worked very hard and told us all we are special, get an education, you can do it" are the sentiments these strong successful people describe. Or, it could be from a mentor, uncle, friend, teacher, coach anyone that gave permission and validation and set a positive example.

As each of us struggle here at PC and we discuss our struggles and even sense of personal value, even if we have been a victim of abuse or a bad marriage, or no marriage or no friends even. We have to pay attention to what we are really saying and ask ourselves where this comes from and how we can learn to change that perception. Because if we allow ourselves to be enlightened and learn about where we learned this behavior, we have a foundation where we can see the holes and begin the conscious effort to give ourselves permission to change that perception. Everyone deserves to live their lives and see what special genetic abilities they have and live life differently, with permission to say that we can be, we CAN is a must.

Elan, you posted a very good link to a speach given by a dedicated social worker who has spent her life finding ways to truely help others and find the answers to some of our personal issues. This thread would be a good place to post that same link so members could watch it, think about what information is given here and what this woman has to say as well.

Open Eyes