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I am glad there is no intent, but that feeling, even without intent, sucks, so I just want to be there for you. As for the pushing people away, I've fallen into that trap. In DBT they talk about doing opposite action. The theory is that sometimes you brain tries to talk to into doing something unhealthy, so you make the point of doing the opposite. It's admittedly hard to do, but it can help.
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It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!
---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859.
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