They don't sound like family. You're going to need a lot of therapy and if I were you I would completely cut this trash out of my life. What the hell good are they to you? Family does NOT, repeat does NOT act that way over and over and over again unless they are abusers. You're 41 now - why stay around - certainly not for the companionship!!!

Your self-esteem has been desecrated to none - just RUN and start a new SECRET life they are not invited to be involved in. They lost that right many many years ago. I say secret cuz it'd kill them just wondering what you were up to. lol just my two cents - they are the crazy ones. It's up to you to keep you safe and happy.