Me too I have these thoughts, Venus. I know exactly what you mean when you say you are so-what-ish about your own demise. I feel now basically that my life is over (I'm 38) and all the good stuff has already happened, and it's like I'm holding my breath and going on automatic till the end. But it's not at all a negative thing (usually). I'm also perfectly safe right now - it's not about that - I feel like the above all the time. Or am I just depressed all the time? I don't know. Sometimes I think I accept so much as 'normal' because I don't know any better.