I’ve been on this site quite a lot since I joined a yesterday and I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand it is great to be in a place where people can accept you for who you are, and have some clue of just what you might be going through. But on the other, I find that it makes me think about my condition and the many things that are really wrong with me, thus making me feel worse, and more depressed. If any ‘sane’ person gave as much thought to their shortcomings I believe they would probably be in here with you and me.

I passed by the calendar today and did a bit of a double take. From now until the new year I have two appointments, both are to see psychiatrists in the clinic that I attend. So really I could sit here for the rest of the year and let the world go round, and no one would even miss me. Granted, my family would call from time to time and we’d go through the motions, but it’s only superficial really. I firmly believe that if I didn’t wake tomorrow morning no one would miss me, not really.

**** that’s some thought, after 48 years on this planet there is hardly a person that I could call ‘friend’, or even ‘acquaintance’. For those of you younger people who are reading this (I'm not that ancient really) ‘get up off your ***, turn off your computer and go out and talk to someone’, anyone! Even if it’s just to say hello.
Hell I don’t even know if I would do that if I had to live my life all over again, but it’s still good advice. I have tried, but it just didn’t feel right. I've always been more at home living within myself, listening to my tinnitus (at least for the last few years) and having one-sided conversations. But this is how it ends up when you go down that road!

Ah it’s just the way I’m feeling at the moment. Hope I haven’t brought anyone down. ****...

This stupid ****ing username is starting to really grate also!!!