I've always been into going to high places and seeing the "view" I've gone out of my way, hiked for miles, climbed up to fire towers in the Adirondacks. I've been searching google earth maps to find out how to get to the top a very high train bridge in Pa. This thing is massive and beautiful. I can only imagine the views from the top. But then the thoughts of being in such a serene place make me think of, well I think you know where I am going with this. One weekend I was so down, I took my kids and drove by the bridge. I just wanted to see it again. I had even contemplated going to the hospital because I was so down. But I'm afraid because I don't know what to expect. Also dealing with the aftermath and getting 100 questions from my nosy co-workers and having my family worry.

I think I have figured out how to get to the top but I'm afraid that if I am alone and depressed one weekend I will be lured to it. I feel totally nuts even writing this. I haven't told my doc or boyfriend. I just know they won't understand. Does anyone have strange thoughts like this?