hello UCLAfan.
I was horribly abused by my father while I was growing up, it mainly started after my mom died and he had to come home to look after me and older brothers. I was 7 yrs old (the youngest). He blamed me for my mom's death (dx cervical cancer after I was born). He treated her really badly too as well and anybody in his life. I am now 41. My brothers are doing well and living well, I am not. I ask for help but certain family members seem to think they know whats best for me. I am the only one who knows whats best for my future. A life away from the country I live in, or a better home to live in so I am not continuing to suffer as an adult (my ex ran off with 70 thousand pounds and I was left homeless), so I need a break or a lift from somewhere to kick start my life again.
It would be 'no problem', for my immediate family to help get me going again, but I don't get that help.
As for my father, he died 3 years ago, and I was the only member of the family who forgave him for what he did to us. Nobody else will let go of the past, and I truly think therein lays the problem.
Abuse and family issues that get repeated seem to get passed on to the weakest within the family fold. It normally takes someone to break the cycle of abuse. Thats what I think I have managed to do, even though I am living in hell at the moment (it really is bad for me at the moment, if something does not give I may either end up....... or in prison for life, I may as well be living in an asylum, its like that anyhow where I am).
They know this, and still don't help. All they would have to do is 'blink', and my life is changed around, 'but', I will not let my self become like them. I know my own soul, I know that whatever happens I will still hold un-conditional love for them. Thats 'my greatest asset, and maybe my greatest weakness. Nobody could believe I could forgive my father for what he did, but I did it.
Family's, pah. If a family is too stupid to love their own flesh and blood then (in my opinion) they are doomed to be unloved by many (or nobody) when they reach old age. That's why I have broke the patterns of anger, hate, bitterness, envy (that's what I get I think - envy, I can feel it, while they were making ££££, I was reading and becoming more educated, I am still poor though. One thing I guess I learned was information does not par the rent).
I will go down dark paths (meaning - hunger, poverty, misery, loneliness, ect) and still hold my head up high, and say 'I still love my family' (its very weird). I wont become like them and hold onto bitterness.
Good luck finding you're path to happiness, it is out there somewhere. Trust in you're self. Don't let you're self be brought down by others. Raise above them. Make them look up.
I hoped this helped.