I'm really nervous about my appointment with the mental health association today and I can't decide whether or not I am surprised by this. I've known about my appointment today for over a week now and I know that it's the first step I need to take so that I can get better, also I'm pretty sure that this time is mostly to evaluate where I am and how they can help. That still doesn't change the fact that I will be leaving not only my bed, and my room but also my house and then I'll be going right downtown (really bad placement) not to mention that I will have to actually talk about how I'm feeling and what help I want. I know that I need to do this I just can't help but be incredibly anxious about it. I'll probably just do what I did for my last doctors appointment and wear a baseball cap, a hoodie and my sunglasses, depending on how it goes I may take the glasses off. I think that part of my anxiety is that I'm a bit afraid that I'll be told that I don't have a serious enough mental illness and that they can't help me, which would leave only the Psychiatrist in Woodstock that I'll probably only get the one appointment with so that she and my regular doctor can discuss future treatment, even then I am having difficulties (well my mom is, I don't talk on the phone, or really at all actually) getting a hold of my doctor to even start the process of getting an appointment. I hope everything goes well of course, but I subscribe to the "hope for the best but expect the worst" way of thinking, which probably isn't the greatest thing for me but I'd much rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed.

Seeing as it's 9am right now that leaves me with two hours and I still need to shower and dress, I'm just having difficulties getting started. Drag my feet or not, I just have to get in the bathroom and at least try to get started I suppose, might have been better to had started to get around more before now as it's a little hard to go from 0-60 so to speak. Just have to push myself, hell I'll just cry in the shower if I need to, because I definitely can't go without as it has been awhile and I'm certain I stink, just can't smell it myself. In a few hours I will be back home and most likely back in bed where I can take a pill and go to sleep and maybe I'll do that with the knowledge that I'll finally be getting the help I have so desperately needed for so long.

Any encouragement from across the wires is much appreciated.