Hi, I'm relatively new but I'm already jumping in with both feet. I have PTSD and, at times, feel so frustrated at home. I'm a single mother with three kids in my home, full time job and severe pain from endometriosis; I struggle.

I started meds again 4 weeks ago (celexa and trileptal) because I was having trouble coping which ends up with me going behind closed doors and hitting myself. I mean punching, slapping, banging against a wall because I just can't punish myself enough when I get to that point. Then I loath myself for getting there.

Well, I've had less loss of control but I'm back at it. It started last night and I had another episode this morning. Twice the hits were so hard that I heard ringing.

Things that are a direct result of me! I'm horrible at remebering to take the meds regularly; I HAVE to correct that!

Also, I think this big relapse is coming due to my now ex-boyfriend physically abusing me in July. Since then I've had more flashbacks, been in constant state of fear and am pushing people away.

I realize and understand this is bad. I shouldn't literally beat myself up but I don't make the right choice when it matters. Now I'm all balled up and scared, confused and full of anger.

P