Wow guys! I've spent 4 years in therapy and this was a most interesting discussion about mothers... And the possible reasons behind their behaviors. My mother was described above. No show of affection - for my brother and I OR our father. She was an angry, bitter, cynical, at times sadistic human being. Would ridicule and shame us as young boys waking up with erections - as boys are apt to do... Can't tell you how many pairs of "tidy whiteys" I hid in the trash after "wet dreams." Again, as can happen with young boys... She was indeed angry... And until now I had no idea as to possibly why.

I do know that when she died 4 years ago I felt NO grief or sadness. Just emptiness. Have yet to shed a tear for her. Have only been to her grave once - the first Christmas to lay a wreath because it was "the right thing to do." I haven't been near it since. I was an over achiever. National Honor Society. Full Scholarship to MIT (didn't go!!) etc. But none of it seemed to please her. Part of what got me into therapy was after she died - as others were "consoling me" by telling me "motherly stories" about their own mothers, I couldn't remember ONE instance of her being "motherly." "Kissing the boos boos." Being comforting or supportive or protective. "There MUST have been times she did those things." "Surely there must be something wrong with me that I can't feel grief at my mother's death." I'd tell myself these things.

4 years later I know why I don't have any "motherly memories." Cause there weren't any made... And maybe, by this thread, I've stumbled on why... And maybe in doing so, I can begin to deal with that chapter of my history. Thanks.