I hear you, whenwillitend. You're really cornered when every answer is the wrong answer. Get the job? Don't get the job? Same thing. Life is scary & exhausting. The world is crashing all around.
I wish there were some magic pill, an injection, a piece of advice--but there's not.

Of course get any T or pdoc you have & be sure they know exactly how you're feeling.

What there is, is this: knowing it's not your fault, having others to tell how bad it feels, being strong enough to get through one more day with your family intact.
It may not seem like much from where you sit, but it's really a lot.
Finding programs to help & applying for them takes resolve, especially when hubby disapproves. I'm sorry he feels that way, but most men have a problem being less than the sole support. You can't take that on right now.
Raising two children takes energy and creative strength, in the best of times. To raise them amidst a medley of other problems requires a miracle & a lot of love.

The fact that you are still able to put whole sentences together is impressive. Ask for help everywhere--even from your boys & husband. PM me if you want--who knows, maybe I can do something?

Just look at what you've done, look at your boys, demand help from every quarter. & whatever god you spend time with, may that god bless you richly.