So, maybe I should introduce myself? I posted an intro in the section for doing that, but I'm not sure how many people read those.

Anyway, I'm in my mid forties and grew up in a very abusive household. My mom made no secret about the fact that she never wanted me and didn't particularly like me. My dad loved me, but seemed unable to stand up to my mom or protect me, and was abusive himself at times. He also told me shortly before he died a few weeks ago, that my mom would beat me more if he showed any affection for me, so mostly he didn't.

I started therapy about a year ago at the urging of my mother in law. I had been depressed for a really long time and she kept telling me I didn't have to feel that way forever, and I should see her therapist. I had tried literally more than 20 different anti-depressants and combos of anti-depressants with no relief and really thought there was nothing wrong with my life and therefore a therapist could not possibly help. I ended up going anyway because I was desperate. And therapy was really, really helpful, however, the whole therapy relationship feel bizarre, and I started lurking around this forum to read other people's experiences with it.

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading!