You sound quite a bit like me in some ways. Not eating is a way to feel like you have control. If you feel like other things in your life are outside your control, then it makes sense that you want to control something - why not your weight.

Also, do you feel like you want to have this diagnosis, and might "feed" your not eating symptoms in order to be more anorexic? I'm making that guess because I can picture myself thinking the way that you are, and because I'm disappointed when I do an eating disorders screening quiz and it comes back saying that I don't have an eating disorder. Just a hunch that could be totally off. Anyway, I'm glad that you allowed yourself something to eat tonight.

Take care of yourself!
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<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>