I don't think most of you understand that pornography and masturbation is WHY this all happened with my spouse. His addiction to it. That is WHY he did it. He is so warped by years of pornography that he can't get "off" on things that others may find really exciting. He has to 'raise the bar' so to speak.

This really turned him on that he was doing this to me. His sexual appetite is getting out of control. Pornography and masturbation are a HUGE part of why he did what he did. He needs more and more to turn him on.

His disabilty and low self esteem played into it as well. I don't think he has a need to control me. Its almost as if I were his 'sex toy' in this sick thing he did to me. I honestly think he was really aroused by it.

As far as what I talk about today, I have two agendas for that. We will go with whichever one comes up, or we may go down a totally different path. She knows me well. She knows when I am avoiding. I am sure that she won't let me get by without talking about what my husband did to me. Who knows? I may have a breakdown in her office. I don't see me doing that, but it may happen.

Like I said, I don't have any emotions at all about what he did. I know that sounds strange to many of you. I don't get it myself. My life is so corrupted by sex and pornography that I need to talk about it with her. Yes, I need to talk about ALL of it. Even the most embarrassing things. There are things that I cannot tell you guys on here. Maybe if I could, you would understand why I need to go down the 'masturbation' path with her.

Thanks for all of your replies and support. I will let you know how our session goes today. I am thinking this may be a two hour session!