Hi all,

It's been a while since I've been here and that's basically because everything 'seemed' to be going ok but now it's heading a direction that is unfamiliar to me.

For the large majority of my illness, I suffer with depression and it's haunted me for years. However, over 2 months ago I started to feel 'normal' (meaning, remission) which was great! I haven't been in remission for years! So all was good and then I slipped into hypomania.....nothing to really be concerned about but yes I was on a little 'high'. I gthen progressed into manic. Manic for me in relationship destroying...I start to believe I am too good for my husband and just about everyone around me. I become highly inappropriate and start believing I have a special connection with God....I am untouchable. Having a connection with God alone isn't a problem....but on a non manic day, I am an athiest.

Anyway...slowly I have been driving my husband away. I am no longer manic, well atleast I don't think so. But anyway I am dragging on....tonight i had a HUGE argument with my husband and I couldn't understand why he couldn't see the arguement from my point of view....blasted his views out of the window and at this moment I really do believe he is a thick twat. At this moment I really do feel as though I 'played' him. There was no arguing with me...I felt superior and he, right now, looks like a retard to me. I was coming out with words and was highly articulate. I was quite proud with how I sppke and worded things to him. Argh again I am dragging on....my main reason for coming here is...well basically, I don't feel emotion like I used to. I have near no remorse for the way I made him feel and actually feel like an alien has taken over my mind and body. You have to understand, I am usually a highly emtional, feeling empathic person. I have noticed this numbness coming on slowly. my CPN came to see me last week and I actually said 'I couldn't give a f@@@ what ppl think of me, all I care about is what I think'. Again, when I looked at her, I saw weakness..I saw someone who was weak because she had feeling and compassion for me. Although I did tell her....I don't need it cause I don't care anymnore. I don't care about my mum, my dad or my brother either. Actually i told my brother exactly what I thought about him a few days ago. I swore at him and told him what I had been wanting to tell him for years. He is a cancer that spreads around and destroys everything in his path. Honestly...he is.

AGAIN I am going on, what I want to know is, have any of you exp this 'unfeeling'? Also my dog has a matter of days to live.....she has cancer and is very old and I don't feel anything. Actually, what I did think was, well that's one less thing to worry about. A few months ago, she was 'my baby'. I dont understand whats going on.

Any thoughts??