I haven't been on in awhile. For reasons I'll state later. Like back in the beginning of the year someoene told pdoc that there were many of us. I don't know his initial response but the journal says "Pdoc doesn't believe in DID". We also told therapist at the time. Therapist says "It's ego states".

We were diagnosed with DID in 07' by a doctor, but we didn't believe it and I don't really know what the general response to being diagnosed was, because we were inpatient and did not journal at the time. New parts find out about it, all the time. It's a great cause for worry for each new part. So I went away and shut up and said nothing. I usually do this when doctors are told and they deny it.

In the journal I start saying things like "you were just delusional, you do not have DID". Some parts deny and hide us.

In August then I was inpatient, with a new doctor and I felt safe with him. I tell him that their is many of us. He says "I know what you're talking about, but lets not talk about it anymore". So I shut up again. Again. I was just delusional and my voices were from schizophrenia.
I even convince myself I am paranoid, but everything I am paranoid of is truth.

Meanwhile I start with a new therapist and I start to feel safe with her. I tell her about us. She says my score on some dissociative test is massively high and at DID level. Finally she takes me seriously. So now everyone wants to talk at the same time in therapy. She is a specialist for trauma. And we jump too much and at the end I'm so exhausted I can barely move. I just want to sleep.

She calls my team (caseworkers, old therapist, psych nurse, and pdoc) to tell them that she suspects a case of DID. I didn't know she was doing this and some of us got really upset over it, because they didn't believe me, why would they believe her. We're not freaks.

I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday and he said nothing about knowing. Nothing. So I can only assume that knowing about Tuesday and my journal entry from March is that he doesn't believe in DID.

I know people will say "get a new psychiatrist". But I can't. Seriously, I can't, I am stuck with him. It's a long story, but I have no other options due to restraints with insurance. But he's treating me for schizoaffective and 14 other previous diagnosis and the medication doesn't take the voices away.

What am I supposed to do? I don't care if Ex therapist doesn't believe it. He doesn't have to treat me anymore. But Pdoc does and before I just let him treat me for whatever, because I didn't want to fight. I'm not a fighter.