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Originally Posted by LydiaB
I haven't been on in awhile. For reasons I'll state later. Like back in the beginning of the year someoene told pdoc that there were many of us. I don't know his initial response but the journal says "Pdoc doesn't believe in DID". We also told therapist at the time. Therapist says "It's ego states".
We were diagnosed with DID in 07' by a doctor, but we didn't believe it and I don't really know what the general response to being diagnosed was, because we were inpatient and did not journal at the time. New parts find out about it, all the time. It's a great cause for worry for each new part. So I went away and shut up and said nothing. I usually do this when doctors are told and they deny it.
In the journal I start saying things like "you were just delusional, you do not have DID". Some parts deny and hide us.
In August then I was inpatient, with a new doctor and I felt safe with him. I tell him that their is many of us. He says "I know what you're talking about, but lets not talk about it anymore". So I shut up again. Again. I was just delusional and my voices were from schizophrenia.
I even convince myself I am paranoid, but everything I am paranoid of is truth.
Meanwhile I start with a new therapist and I start to feel safe with her. I tell her about us. She says my score on some dissociative test is massively high and at DID level. Finally she takes me seriously. So now everyone wants to talk at the same time in therapy. She is a specialist for trauma. And we jump too much and at the end I'm so exhausted I can barely move. I just want to sleep.
She calls my team (caseworkers, old therapist, psych nurse, and pdoc) to tell them that she suspects a case of DID. I didn't know she was doing this and some of us got really upset over it, because they didn't believe me, why would they believe her. We're not freaks.
I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday and he said nothing about knowing. Nothing. So I can only assume that knowing about Tuesday and my journal entry from March is that he doesn't believe in DID.
I know people will say "get a new psychiatrist". But I can't. Seriously, I can't, I am stuck with him. It's a long story, but I have no other options due to restraints with insurance. But he's treating me for schizoaffective and 14 other previous diagnosis and the medication doesn't take the voices away.
What am I supposed to do? I don't care if Ex therapist doesn't believe it. He doesn't have to treat me anymore. But Pdoc does and before I just let him treat me for whatever, because I didn't want to fight. I'm not a fighter.
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Lydia I have a suggestion that helps alot of people who are bouncing back and forth with denying their diagnosis (any diagnosis) and having treatment providers that may or may not believe the client has the diagnosis they state they have -
it does not matter what its called - PTSD, Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, ego states, alters parts you name it. the labels dont matter at all.
what does matter is you and your symptoms and problems. the disorders are going to be taken care of by taking care of the symptoms.
you have voices ... dont worry about trying to get through to all these treatment providers what the voices names are and that they belong because of the DID..
deal directly with the issue of having voices.. try the meds if one medication wont work try another and another. keep trying things your treatment providers want you to try. at some point there will be a day when something clicks.. it may be this or that medication helped you with your anxiety or other symptoms which in turn may slow the voices down.
its true medication wont take away voices, alters, parts ego states. but the medication "can" help with the underlying cause (the trigger) that is making those voices get loud and upset.
example one day I was hiking and suddenly all the voices in my head started clammering. for weeks my therapist and I tried all the DID treatment for things like this.. grounding, relaxing you name it I tried it. one night I was out of town so ended up seeing someone in the towns ER. all I wanted was someone to tell me how to get these voices to shut up so I could get some sleep. the hospital er called the psychiatrist on call. he prescribed prozac. I tried to tell him antidepressants were not going to work antipsychotics are not going to work I have DID. finally I swore and said fine Ill take them but Im telling you they wont work. by the second dose the voices were calm. it turned out that during my hike I had seen something that didnt register on the conscious level but did on the inside /unconscious level. and my body was reacting with stress, and anxiety because of what I saw. by taking the prozac it calmed my body reactions of stress and anxiety that due to my being a dissociative I did not realize I was having. once my stress and anxiety levels were under control the voices calmed down to where they were able to tell my therapist what we needed in order to feel safe again.
I could have fought the doctors, diagnosies, and medications for ever and keep myself in total misery, stress and anxiety or I could say ok the labels dont matter, what matters is the symptoms and problems. once I looked at it from that point of view things got better for me.
occasionally I still come across those treatment providers that dont believe me or my clients have this that or the other thing but I and my clients dont bother trying to fight with them. that only causes us more stress and anxiety.
medication cant take away DID, alters and voices but it can help relax, calm and get things back to a controllable level for you.
I know its hard having treatment providers bouncing you around with this diagnosis or that one but honestly the labels dont matter you do. try taking care of the symptoms and leaving the labels behind. it really does help and really does get things done.