Sometimes, usually at night, I start feeling really tense and scared. I start to cry and I feel like someone's going to attack me. Last night, I cried to the point I had to hold back screaming. I would pull at my hair and hold on to the headboard to avoid hitting myself. I started to choke and every part of me had to keep myself from finding something to hurt myself with. Usually, this happens when I have nightmares or I think about some abuse that happened when I was 12. But last night, that did not even cross my mind. I don't really understand how I went from being happy a few hours before to trying to make myself feel like everything was real.