That's how long avoiding SI lasted. I could go into the long boring details of why, but I think why not was more important. I didn't have any reasons not to anymore.

I'm sure I'll get plenty replies saying why I shouldn't. I know all those reasons. They don't matter. I'm sure I'll get plenty of replies telling me I need a T. I know, I've heard it before. No need to waste your energy typing it.

Is this just a one-time thing? Am I planning to stop? As of right now, no. Again, I don't see a reason to stop. I wasted almost an entire year avoiding it and I'm convinced that just made this past year worse.

I know how this sounds. But I'm not really thinking about anything, and I don't really feel anything. That's all I ever wanted. It feels like I've sunk back into the self-destructive dark side of me...and that finally feels right. It was honestly a bit stupid of me to try to fight that side. It just made things harder.

I finally realized this is just who I am...