Hi... Bottom line is that I'm not sexually attracted to husband anymore... but I do want to have sex. To explain from beginning, been married 17 years, together 21. Hubby is my one and only sex partner. Did some fooling around in college, but extremely limited. I have 3 sisters, but came from family that didn't talk about anything, raised to be a 'good girl' that never caused problems. Very smart, but also very shy and insecure - so still incredibly naive when getting to college. Always afraid of doing something 'wrong'. Had very negative experience freshman year that made me even more skittish. Didn't really grow into myself until semester abroad, then had difficult transition back until I leveled out again after graduation and started professional career. But still had not ever 'dated', and still skittish around guys due to self-esteem issues, but faked confidence pretty well as long as no one tried to call my bluff. Had friends, and met hubby through them. He was still dating his college love - his only experience (and hers) - so I was comfortable around him since I wasn't worried about him liking me 'that way'. We hung out a lot, they broke up and things fell into place. We had similar upbringings, values, and he did not intimidate me at all - I didn't have to worry about him pushing me or pressuring me, and we eventually did have sex - I had just turned 25. Fast forward 3 kids - I'd get pregnant first month trying, not much sex while pregnant, or after... Then lost my job and now home full-time with 3 kids under six - burned out from high pressure job, started anti-depressants, and lost touch as a couple. I'd bring it up as issue - no longer felt like a couple - and didn't get sense that hubby saw it as issue. He started hanging out with younger single crowd from work, including one girl in particular, until I made it another issue, and he cut back there. So now years of being unhappy, rating less than anybody else it seemed, and again not feeling that he saw it as an issue. Don't think we had sex for a year. Then I started playing a game online where you can exchange messages with other players... Also started a medicine for ADD, which said 'decrease sex drive' but actually put it in overdrive. Talked with one guy offline for fantasy sex - his term - and I asked questions to learn how to put spark back in marriage. Made date with hubby for sex, and I found it disappointing. I had always had problems getting aroused with him, but thought that was just the way it was for everyone... But now I'd get more wet from a steamy text from a stranger than I ever had with hubby. I chatted with a different guy, and he boosted my self-esteem and helped me see myself as sexy and challenged me to step outside my comfort zone - all very positive things. Then hubby finds out, and suddenly I mean the world to him... We have 'let's work on this' sex, and he thought it rocked the world...and I was unmoved. Then I couldn't even kiss him - hug okay, but nothing more - it was almost repulsive. I called a halt to physical until we could reestablish an emotional connection... And other aspects have improved. But after a lot of soul searching, I think I married him because he DIDN'T arouse strong emotion in me - I'd never feel out of control. But now I want that, but the thought of him being more assertive would make me laugh - I just don't see him that way anymore... He's a wonderful person and father - a great companion... But I don't want to have sex with him. I still keep in contact with one guy from the game - and I feel attracted there... So it's not that I don't have a sex drive... I feel like I just want to have sex with someone who knows what they are doing, just so I KNOW... and then maybe that could be brought back into marriage? I don't want to hurt hubby's feelings more than I already have...