I went to my session yesterday and my T started by saying that she has come to a decision, and that she needs to stop working with me. I have 3 more sessions. That moment...wow. That was one of the most painful moments I've experienced in therapy, by far.

I have a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings about the whole thing, and I am not even going to try to write about them yet. I'm just trying to believe that I can get through this, to remember that I know deep down it's for the best, and to ride the waves of self-hatred, rejection, and abandonment as best I can.

I see my new T this afternoon. I asked old-T for a referral, but she again refused. She just said she was advised to refer me back to the community mental health center, which is where my new T is and who referred me to DBT in the first place.

So, that's where I am. I don't know how to do this and I can't think too much about what this says about me as a person and as a client, I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.