Oh, zoo. I'm sorry but I'm also breathing a sigh of relief, not because I want you to be in pain, but because I want you to feel better.

Your T finally is acting like a responsible T and doing something that is FOR you, knowing that she can't be effective for you anymore. I wonder if that will be a little bit of consolation for you later on. She cares a lot about you, and that is why she made this decision.

I'm glad you are seeing the new T today. Is this is the one you posted about before, who you aren't sure if she's experienced enough to help you? If you don't think she's a good fit, then maybe she can give you a referral. Or, is this someone else? I am sure whoever it is can help you sort out your feelings for your T.

If you are thinking negative thoughts about you as a person, forget them!! It does not say anything bad about you as a person and as a client! You worked very hard, and so did your T. But something happened with HER, not YOU, and it affected your therapy. She had personal problems that interfered, for starters. She made mistakes, but that doesn't mean she wasn't effective all along. You posted that. You don't have to trash your whole therapy. Your T just stopped being effective for you, and it's no one's fault. You are a good person!!! I'm sure your T is too!!

There is no reason for self-hatred or feeling that your T rejected you. She is doing what is best for you, and you said that you know that, deep down. But I totally understand your feeling the way you do. You wanted it to work. You didn't want your T to give up on you. But she hasn't! She's doing her job. Hopefully, you can end with her on a positive note in your last few sessions. They will be painful, but necessary to have closure.

You CAN do this. Good luck with your appointment today. I will be thinking of you. Sorry if I wrote too much, or if it's too painful right now. It comes from my heart because of hearing about your struggles with your T for so long.