View Single Post
 
Old Nov 17, 2011, 10:56 AM
theoctopusproject theoctopusproject is offline
New Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2011
Posts: 1
I just found this site and I apologize for the overly lengthy post, but here goes.

I spent the duration of my high school years hell-bent on getting into a good college. I sacrificed my happiness and many social opportunities while spending much of the time being stressed and/or depressed. However, there was no deep, meaningful reason behind my drive to attend college. I fixated upon it out of a wish to be able to achieve something great and be someone enviable, yet I had no concrete plan or substance behind those vague desires.

Now, here I am. I attend what many would consider to be a “good”, prestigious university. Yet I’m already more than half way through and I find myself without a passion for anything in particular. I got close to a 4.0 during my first year, but since then my grades have been continually slipping lower. After college there is grad school and then after grad school there is getting a good job and then there will be promotions to chase and no rest until retirement…. I keep getting more and more tired of the whole rat race thing. I can no longer seem to strive diligently because I feel like I don’t even have anything to strive towards. And, no matter what goal I choose, there will always be more to achieve afterwards.

I have no idea what I want to do in the future in terms of a career. I just know I want to travel the world. But I can’t seem to focus on schoolwork anymore and I keep wasting opportunities. For example, I have the opportunity to work on a project for a professor, but I keep procrastinating on it and not working on it. I’m an idiot for letting it go to waste, but I still can’t seem to bring myself to do it. All I seem to want to do is read books, listen to music, watch movies, and get mindlessly drunk.

I truly am incredibly thankful for the opportunities that I currently have. I’m just sick of being torn between feeling full of apathy on the one hand and full of self loathing for my failures on the other.

I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything, but I believe I was clinically depressed for a couple months at the beginning of this year. However, I've been feeling much better since then.

Is my lack of motivation a symptom of depression and does anyone have any suggestions for how I should work on it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.