OK- I think these few weeks or at least this week most defiantly i have been rapid cycling- T said perhaps you are bipolar with rapid cycling- I say IDK- but today I am like omg i think she may be right..

I have been really chaotic this week, ugh so much.. but today was like a kicker and it has made me think a little on things

OK So I work nights, so my "day started yesterday cuz I have not slept" if that makes sense to any one- I got up around 21:30. it is now 11:50 the next day SO NOT SO Bad I don't think-- but god- I got up angry, i was mad at the beginning of work with work crap, then I was ok- like whatever (good that is normal letting things go)... then I get mad about **** again.. then ok, then feel just odd.. then I find out a friend TRIED to commit suicide-- I did not really let that information sink in and I sent off a message- I am not sure what the message was all about for it has been deleted.. My friend deleted his post (on stupid face book) but any ways- so then I am upset, i am crying at work and all --- I get it together finish my job (i had not much to do- Ihad free time that is why I was screwing around on the internet- when I read this news)

Any ways- This morning I have been empty, mad, sad, guilty, upset in general, thinking my friend is mad at me, then joyful for other things, NOT CARING about what ever happened earlier and so on- I could go on. all with in a few hours..

Is this really rapid cycling I have to ask myself. This week has been just booo on beauflow with emotions every where..

On Tuesday afternoon or so I was like I KNOW WHY NO ONE likes me I get it---
Tuesday Night in Wednesday Morning i felt like everyone hated me, and Did not understand why and wanted answers

Then Wednesday morning = IDK what to classify this as- but I went a little crazy- I though my life was a cruel joke- I tried to by a pan, it does not fit what I wanted to use it for, i tried to buy a plate cover for the car- that does not fit- I could not find things to do work, i went crazy with emotional thoughts and all over the place I broke down doing my crazy crying.. I felt numb odd- then I was happy in the afternoon. Before I got mad and went to work-

Sorry that is all over the place- I have been having issues with concentration and focusing gettin stuff done- doing things in one shot (even this thread I wrote some then cooked then finished it before posting it)
Any ways

IDK I get confused-- Therapist says Rapid Cycling Bipolar, Borderline traits, ptsd.... I have to wonder thou some days...

ugh-- IDK ever since the beginning of October it has been going down hill

My boyfriend says the little things don't add up (i keep saying that cuz so much **** has been going ON! and yes the little things add up- espcially if there big things going on).. Boyfriend says that Life IS NOT Math- we don't add them up, they are just little things.. and they don't** matter

UGh I think some of them do-- but then again I am wrong on thinking
that has been proven several times this week as welll
It is not like I am confused but like -- I am not out right cocky all the time, some times I am, but its more like I am just putting pieces together- I am missing the middle or some thing and not gettin it all....

sigh-- i am sorry I don't even know why I am posting this now.