This article makes me remember when I finally got the courage to go and see a doctor about depression. I wasn't sure I had it. I just knew I was having nightmares every night, couldn't sleep, didn't like myself much and was feeling really crappy. The doctor asked me a lot of questions until I cried, then he said he would prescribe me anti-depressants which would make me feel better. He didn't refer me to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Just said here you go, this will fix things, goodbye. They were my hope, so when everything just got worse and I stopped being able to eat and function in the next few days, I lost all hope. They were meant to fix things and they didn't. Nobody told me they would have any side affects.

I was just told I was put on the wrong anti-depressants and I was changed to Effexor. They worked for about 6 months and then I started to feel depressed again, so my psychiatrist (I had been referred to one after things got really bad) upped my dose. It took me about another year to realise that the anti-depressants were making me more depressed and unable to get out of it. They were also getting in the way of me being able to think and use any coping techniques that I had learnt. So I started to taper off. Then I found out that Effexor is really addictive. I had severe withdrawal symptoms, even by tapering off really slowly which included nausea, agitation, lightheadedness and inability to stay out of bed for more than 20 minutes without feeling sick. Nobody told me that they were addictive. There are even websites about it and a petition as this particular anti-depressant is known to be really hard to get off, but they still won't warn people.

I would never touch anti-depressants again after that. I felt much better when I got off them. I still get my downs, but I can get out of them myself. I am having a down right now and it's been going on for quite awhile now. I can't make it go away, but I can keep myself out of the really dark place where I can't function and might hurt myself. That's the best I can ask for right now until I can find something to make myself feel happy again. I dunno, maybe I should do a writing project or something. Something to be proud of... *shrugs*