Thanks Odoyle
I honestly have no idea whats wrong with me, im sad all the time because everyone is right, i say he's the stypid one because he did not listen to his family and me when we said he would end up jail because of her, which looks like he will.
But there is someone who is dumber than him and thats me! Because i sit around all day waiting for him to hurt me again, and judge her for the fact that she still wants him, when i should be looking at myself!!! ( dont get me wrong i feel sad for her too, and think about her, but she has not held herself up with integrity). Though in all fairness i would not let someone threaten to kill me in front of my kids, or let the father of my kids risks there lives, nor would i as a mother risk my childrens lives, whether it was all just to intimiate me or whether it was an actual threat a threat is a threat. That is not love to be its something else, but he says it loves so it must be and so does she so it is!

This will sound pathetic i honestly dont think i can live without him! yes he goes back to his wife, and then comes back to me its all the same pattern. he goes back to her realises he made a mistake then comes back to me, and me being the total pathetic weak loser that i am take him back! because his tears work, and he says all the right things and because i want to help him so i support him.

I say he goes back to her, but that being said he also holds back from her too, in away he manipulates certain situations back on to her. Like she will ask him to move back in and he will hold out, but stay with her when its all hunky dory, and then go back to his place when its not. I honestly dont think hes knows what he wants, but this time the judge took away the choice and made it so they cannot contact one another, when the legal systems steps in and forces you too separate i actually find that quite embrassing and pretty much a huge sign that hey you should not be together.

And yes all i want is somone who respects me and is nice to me, and i want to stop feeling sick all the time and scared that he is just going to stop talking to me and loving me, it is not suppose to be this way. He was my first everything and im 23, first kiss, first time, first love, first relationship, and i honestly just want to give up and die and stop feeling this way.

Thanks.