Carrying on with the idea that T is only a representation and that it's MYSELF I'm attached to, I've read a bit about Carl Roger's humanistic approach to therapy. My T uses many modalities but she definitely applies psychodynamic and humanistic theories with me.

The humanists believe that agape or love must be communicated to the client. Agape is different from eros. Quoting from Michael Kahn, "Eros is characterized by the desire for something that will fulfill the lover. Agape, by contrast, is characterized by the desire to fulfill the beloved."

How to convey agape, how to show the client they are loved is accomplished by 3 attributes that the therapist possesses - genuineness, empathy and unconditional positive regard.

Quoting again from the book,"Between Therapist and Client: The New Relationship" by Michael Kahn,
"For the client, the optimal therapy would mean an exploration of increasingly strange and unknown and dangerous feelings in himself, the exploration proving possible only because he is gradually realizing that he is accepted unconditionally. Thus he becomes acquainted with elements of his experience which have in the past been denied to awareness as too threatening, too damaging to the structure of the self. He finds himself experiencing these feelings fully, completely, in the relationship, so that for the moment he is his fear, or his anger, or his tenderness, or his strength. And as he lives these widely varied feelings, in all their degrees of intensity, he discovers that he has experienced himself, that he is all these feelings. He finds that his behavior changing in a constructive fashion in accordance with his newly experienced self. He approaches the realization that he no longer needs to fear what experience may hold, but can welcome it freely as a part of his changing and developing self"

So, the therapist creates that safe place. The safe place created by the empathic, genuine therapist is what is appealing. The specific person is not important. Any T who can create that safe place will do. The particular human being who is our T is not important.

The attachment is to the safe place, not to the T. And as the quote above states, "discovered that he has experienced himself". As I think about this this way, it seems to make me feel less attached to T as a person.

Then as I'm planning to share these ideas with my T when she returns, I imagine her listening to me with a slight smile on her face. And I imagine her saying, "well, Skysblue, I see that you've been exercising your analytical muscles quite vigorously. But, I must ask you, did you also exercise your feeling muscles?"

Oops, I guess I forgot. That's right - she keeps telling me that growth comes not from cognitive 'understanding' but real 'knowing' from feelings.

Okay, gang, I'm seeing now that I need to go practice 'feeling' so that I can give a complete report to T when I finally see her after her long vacation. Stay tuned...