So a little about me... I just turned 25 (on the 15th), I'm married (three years), expecting my first child this October. I take Paxil for depression and anxiety, been on it a little under six years now. Before that little miracle pill I was quite suicidal. Since then I'm been smoothed out as best as anyone might expect. Good days, rough days, but no truly Bad days and no deep depression.
I have a decent job and I've actually lost quite a bit of weight over the last year-and-a-half. A lot of life changes happening lately and/or soon, as mentioned above, and while I don't consciously feel that these are bothering me, I'm fully open to the reality this is incorrect.
So, as a conclusion.. I find myself depressed. Not deep, not dangerous, but "normal" in a way that I've never felt before. Depression for me has always been the "I think I'll see how fast I can drive into that brick wall" kind. Regular depression seems very strange. Given my history, it also is a bit unsettling and the longer these feelings last (about 10 days now), the more paranoid I get.
Real problems? Not sure. Some anxiety about having a child, which I imagine is completely normal. My parents didn't bother to get me a birthday card (or if so, didn't manage to mail it in time).. unlike my inlaws, who seem to either care more, or are better organized. Probably the latter - I don't often have issues with my parents, but obviously the situation bugs me.
And while I feel like a jerk saying so, I figure there is little point in avoiding the issues or splitting hairs... there is an intimacy gap in my marriage. Granted she's 4 months pregnant (hence the added guilt over feeling this way), but things weren't much different 5 months ago either.
So there it is... I suppose I'm looking to get this stuff off my chest.. maybe an understanding nod, or maybe I need to be confirmed as a jerk.. truth is truth and I wouldn't expect or ask for anything less.
Thanks for reading...
-CK
|