Yes, he loves me, he told me I'm the only one he wants, the only one he has ever wanted to have sex with...
I do love him - but as companion, not as lover. if he found happiness elsewhere, I'd be happy for him. I might be jealous that he had a lover and I didn't, but I wouldn't want to be that person.
Had he been unfaithful during that time that I felt 'in love' with him, I would have been devastated.
Now that I just love him, but don't feel 'in love', my feelings are different.
I believe now that I've felt true desire for another - or just lust? - I've realized that what I've always felt for hubby is affection - not passion. And if I can't even kiss him anymore, is it possible to create passion if that basic attraction isn't there?
I needed safe then. I feel I've grown as a person and as a woman, and want more now. It's not his fault - we'd still be great roommates. But if he wants more from me, but I don't feel that for him, that's not fair either.
I wish I had at least one other experience for comparison - maybe I'm fooling myself by thinking I want more... I just don't KNOW...