Thank you, tree. I do understand what you're saying but you know what my pattern is. I'm afraid that the line between feeling good with my T and feeling TOO good with her is tenuous. I'm okay if I don't start obsessing about her, wanting to be in her life, and all that fantasy stuff I'm so vulnerable to. Any nice word or action can trigger that, not just physical contact.

I have to balance the feeling good with her and feeling good in RL. For example, my H gave me a nice hug today (which is unusual). You're right I can have both, but I feel guilty about which feels better.