If you've answered my last posts then you don't have to waste yoyur time on this one.

I have been worrying about being a homosexual ever since the beginning of July 2011 when I was called a lesbian in an argument. The first few days I was offended and paranoid. I kept thinking "Is this really what people think of me? Are my clothes unfeminine?" [The girl told me that she could tell I was a lesbian by the way I dressed. I'm not innocent either, though. I had previously called her a lesbian [first] for liking Justin Bieber. I never liked that girl and I don't think she ever liked me either. I don't know why I let that comment bother me so much! I grew up with a brother that called me lots of stupid things- that included "dyke" and "******". But for some reason it didn't bother. I did lose a lot of the security I had last year, though. I had next to no friends and was alone 70% of the time. I now can't stand being alone and having no friends when out in public because of that.

I don't think that I would be thinking that I was a lesbian right now if that girl never called me one. Whenever someone mentions gay or anything that could remind me of the topic, I get this brief feeling that reminds me of shock. I have no idea what it's really about

During the summer this thing got so severe that I couldn't stand watching a show (regardless if whether it was cartoon or reality) with anyone in it or I'd feel like crying and I'd get nauseous. Sometimes I got so stressed I actually did throw up.

Now it feels like I am just a lesbian in denial and there's nothing I can do about it anymore. That maybe the reason I got all rattled over that stupid comment is because I was blocking out something important in my mind. I'm scared that maybe there was a time when I was in love with a girl when I was little and that I just forgot about it. When Twilight came out, I had a official crush on Robert Pattinson. But now I don't reallt find him attractive anymore. Just before summer began last year, too, I had a crush on a guy but gave up after I found out he was a flirt. Eventually I began to feel nothing for him. I also had a lot of mini crushes last year. But the thing is I don't think I felt anything for a lot of the guys I claimed to find attractive last year. There was one I didn't even find attractive. I just thought that he was funny.

I've had 3-4 legitimate crushes on men (or at least I think they were real). I think that in kindergarten there was this boy that got in trouble a lot and he reminded me of the guy in my brothers GTA game. He even wore the Hawaiian shirts. I'm pretty sure I liked him but I never talked to him and one day he went away and I *think that I was sad. But I always shy away from the guys that do like me. I'm hoping it's just because I don't find them attractive though. But what if it's really that I don't want to be with one...

Before all this, I kept myself going by dreaming of my future as a mother with the best husband in the world. I kept this "it will get better" though whenever I was sad or stressed out and it made me happy.

But I feel so much like a lesbian. I don't think that I have a specific crush on a girl yet and I don't WANT to. But I still feel homosexual. Do you think I'm straight or just covering up the fact that I'm homosexual?