I cut my arm quite a bit this morning and last night. I'm just feeling overwhelmed & the depression is arising. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about my SI. I need help, but I don't have what I need to get help. For awhile now, anything makes me want to cry. I walk around almost everyday trying to mask my feelings because no one understands.

I'm honestly so tired of hearing "just pray about it." What happens when you feel like God has turned a deaf ear unto you? That's how I feel...I feel like God isn't listening to me anymore. I know I don't deserve Him to hear me anyway...I'm not worthy. I just don't know what to do anymore. The only thing that has never failed me is cutting & that's why I chose to do it.

So until I find a good enough reason to stop...then maybe I'll consider it. Until then, my razor will always come in handy.