I once went to a therapist who asked me what I was getting out of being depressed. She said I wouldn't continue the behavior if I wasn't getting something I wanted out of it. It really offended me and I didn't return for a follow up. However, there is a grain of truth in it although it is not the whole answer. I do get to blame my failures on my depression not my abilities and effort. I also, when I was younger, had some of the same sense of feeling deeper than others, etc. At this point, more than 20 years into the whirlwind, I feel numb must of the time.