I don't know where you--or I--am supposed to go. I'm not sure there's any "supposed" about it. But if there is, there's gonna be a whole hell of a lot of us when we get there.

I could have written most of your post. My genetics virtually guarantees an early death--if not from suicide, then from stroke or heart attack. Oh, yes, and if I live a little longer I'm very likely to have a case of Alzheimer's.

The one thing I couldn't have written was, "I've already seen how this story ends." I haven't. You haven't. Everything points to dismal, but so much can change that.

What if just the right T comes along--for either or both of us? Someone with whom we really click, whose training & experience all culminated in this work. What if we found the right psychiatrist, someone from the right school with the right insights & the knowledge of meds to find the exact cocktail we need to balance out our brain chemistry?

I do from time to time see or hear about miracles, often very small ones. I know they do sometimes happen. I do think that maybe there will be one if I do my part: work with the t & pdoc, try the meds, work my program.

I know what happens if I give up. I guess I'm still curious about what happens if I don't. Aren't you?