Hey there - I can't even write your name, because it's too degrading. A good start is to change your screen name here to "SmartCookie" or something like that instead. I have to say that you write really well and if you hadn't told us about the IQ test stuff, I never would have guessed from reading your post. A lot of this sounds to me like depression is invading your thoughts.

Do you have a therapist or counselor? Can you get one?