i understand where you are coming from. i was in your exact position just last month. i put off going to my school consellor for an entire month. my best friend who lives out of state was the only person who knew. she finally convinced me to go otherwise she was going to contact my school. i told her to give me a day so i could find someone to go with me because the day before, i had came within inches of the office and i panicked and ddint go. so i thought about my closet friends and figured out the one who would be the least judgemental. im entirely close to him, but i knew he could be trusted, when i explained the situation, he told me that he used to stuggle with SI, and wanted to help so i wouldnt go down the same route he did. he walked me in, and stayed with me the entire time. if it wasnt for him being there, i wouldve chickened out once again. So my advise for you is to find the person you could trust more than anyone and have him or her go with you.

i wasnt mad at her for saying she would get me help if i didnt myself, i understood that she wanted me to be able to quit as soon as possible so i didnt cross the line.

you dont really get over being scared, its just better to have someone with you so you have that shoulder to cry on, and to keep you there so you actually go through with it.

it will be tough for the first week or two, but it will get better fast. right now thanks to therapy and antidepressants(there not that bad, they help me be able to speak for myself and not be so afraid. i didnt even notice a difference, but everyone else did), my only worry now is waiting for the scars to fade so i can go without a jacket. well i would wear a jacket anyhow because of the cold. but so i dont have to worry about them so i dont accidentally push up my sleeves