I don't know where to post this. I really don't fit in anywhere

So much is going on in my life right now. I feel like everyone thinks I am just "acting" like I feel as bad as I do because of the fact that I have been diagnosed with BPD (among other things), but I'm not, and I don't know how to get people to understand that.

This time of year is historically hard for me, as I go through anniversaries of the death's of loved ones, and the holidays without them.

Add to that, I am getting 3-5, sometimes 6 hours of sleep a night. I am so tired of not sleeping. I have tried for over a month to get my pdoc to call me back about a medication issue, and each time I get told he has been given the message and will call me back.

My grandma is in the hospital and I am afraid she is going to die.

I am trying to go off of my meds to see if that helps me get some sleep and because I don't really feel like they've been helping anyway (and I'd have to switch as of January 1st due to insurance issues).

I'm having a hard time with driving after an accident I was in a month ago. I had gotten back on the road, but now it snowed so I just can't. (I rode with my sister to the store and her car started slipping and I almost freaked out)

I am having major urges to SI

I just want to feel better. I want the fears, the urges, the pain to be managable. I want to not spend every waking moment feeling like crying.

So anyway... not really any point to this post. Thanks for anyone who read this far though